all the annoying valeries

My name is Valerie. I really like my name most of the time, but it has its ups and downs.


Like lots of people remarking that it’s a weird old lady name, but it suits me. I wish I knew what this means.

I also found it extremely hard as a young’un to find pens and keyrings and necklaces with my name on them. (My granny was class at sourcing them though, so I didn’t miss out much.)

But the thing that gets my goat about my name is this: Valerie is the go-to name for annoying characters in television shows and movies. Every time a character called Valerie pops up, she’s either neurotic or evil – either way, these characters besmirch the name of Valerie. For example…

Valerie Birkhead from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Valerie was Sabrina’s absolutely sickening best friend, who mostly served as a foil to Sabrina’s chirpy cheerfulness. She was a doormat who adored Sabrina and even made herself into a clone of Sabrina in that episode where Sabrina’s spell goes wrong (Wait, that was every episode. MY BAD.) She looks moderately hot in that picture but on the show she mostly made extremely weird and worried faces – which is something I never, ever do in real life. Yep.

Valerie from What I Like About You

For those of you who don’t remember What I Like About You, it was Amanda Bynes’ first foray into the teenage TV/movie world. It was entertaining, but to be honest she was a lot better when she was doing stuff like this. Which makes me wonder…where is Debbie AKA “I like eggs!” now? Hmm. Anyway, Valerie was Holly’s (Amanda Bynes) sister, and she was – you guessed it – a highly strung neat freak who totally couldn’t handle Holly’s adorably goofy ways. Of course, Holly tells her to ~take more risks~ and helps her ~live life~ to the fullest. Valeries should be able to do that anyway, without the help of a quirky little sister. Jeez.

Valerie from iCarly

I thought Nickelodeon’s propensity to name annoying characters Valerie died with shows like Sabrina and What I Like About You. I was wrong. A new batch of tweens are learning to associate the name Valerie with annoying people with shows like iCarly. The ONE EPISODE OF ICARLY I EVER WATCHED I SWEAR had a plot which involved the girlfriend of one of the main characters, a manipulative bitch called Valerie who basically used Freddie so she could have a webshow as popular as Carly’s. Which is something that a Valerie would never do.

Someone high-up in Nickelodeon must have a vendetta against a girl called Valerie. I am advising him or her to build a bridge and GET OVER IT. There are Valeries out here trying to live their lives in the shadow of this terrible monster you have created. Valeries are people too, goddammit.

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